I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
