this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
