Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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