So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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