He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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