it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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