Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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