When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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