genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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