I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
