Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Please don't give away my fajitas
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
