She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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