It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
