yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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