I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
