guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
