I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize