Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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