did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
