if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
