yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
