Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
