Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
