In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
