ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
worst night to have a conscience
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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