can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize