Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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