real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I could fuck to npr.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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