My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
