i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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