So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
