You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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