My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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