You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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