sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
