i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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