She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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