only if we run a train.
done.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
