he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize