Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
