Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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