Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
