i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
