It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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