there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
