Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
