As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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