I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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