Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
