High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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