I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
