i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
