Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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