You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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