The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
