just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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