And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
