I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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