Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
