The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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