is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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