I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
