how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then my night got REAL pukey
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
