Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jerry, you need to find god
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
