1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
