he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
