Those balls look pretty dangerous.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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