My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
