there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
