oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
