Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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