I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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