good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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