dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
