what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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