You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
