Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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