How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
