Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
