he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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