Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
