paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
