She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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