I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
