I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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