oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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