Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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