my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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