Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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