I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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